5 positions and associated emtional states

Five positions and associated states

There are 5 positions that one can take in relationships. The first position is the narcissistic or self-centred position. In this position all the thoughts and associated feelings are experienced from a self-centred view. It is the I position and therefore the I is the centre and everything else is secondary. One cannot see beyond what is beyond the self. The other is not important and everything is seen in terms of what is good for only I. This is the position of looking after no.1 and everyone else is just a number to be used and abused to serve one’s own self interest. Perceptions of others are distorted because the other is viewed from the position of how I feel and think. There is no consideration of how it affects the other. Many in crisis regress to this position and get trapped and entangled and confused by the plethora of thoughts and feelings which may be related to childhood states.
The second position is the empathic position. This position enables one to walk in the other’s shoes. This enables one to try and picture how the other feels and thinks. It puts one’s own feelings aside and seeks to understand rather then to be understood. One moves from a position of stuckness in self to a position of negotiation or compromise. This is important to enable one to forgive and be able to love another. It’s a position of sacrificing one’s own needs and being prepared to meet the need of the other. This is a crucial shift in building relationships. Without this ability it is difficult to negotiate change. Autistics are stuck in the first position and are unable to shift to a second position to appreciate how one’s behaviour affects the other.
The third position is the objective position. From this position one is able to view a relationship from a interactive perspective i.e the ability to see how an action leads to a reaction that then leads to a style of interaction that keeps the individuals involved in negativity. This position also enables one to distance oneself from the object to see the other as separate from oneself. This separation is important to enable one to set boundaries and be able to manage emotional states of the other and not be entangled or sucked into the negative states of others. Emotions are powerful modes of communication and it is so easy to get carried away by the feelings of others, unless one is able to distance oneself and be objective. This is the therapist position which enables the therapist to view the interaction objectively so as to enable change to occur. Without this objectivity the therapist will get sucked in and therefore lose his/her ability to be helpful to manage change. When this happens then the therapist needs help to pull back and regain balance otherwise he/she will become part of the problem rather then part of the solution. Supervision can be one way to enable one to get unstuck. Long term therapy can be due to this situation where the therapist becomes part of the problem and no change occurs. The negative feelings of the client have so entrapped the therapist that confusion and chaos becomes part of the therapist’s dilemma. To regain distance and balance the therapist needs help to extricate himself from this chaos. Teams can likewise get stuck in this way and need direction to develop into a more healthy mode of operation. A team that is chaotic is a sign of such stuckness. A healthy team will be able to respect it’s members and empower and enable individuals in the team to develop their own skills and giftings.
The fourth position is systemic. In this position one is able to see the whole and not just the parts. In this position one is able to see how the whole is more then the sum of the parts. This is the ability to see how internal and external sub systems impact on the system to enable it to function well or otherwise. It is the ability to position oneself at the boundary of a system to see how the internal and external forces impact on the function of the system. This is where leaders need to be positioned and be the boundary keepers to enable their teams to function well. The team can only function as well as the internal and external threats are managed in an effective manner. A team can crumple under internal stress or external stress. Boundary keepers are essential for families and teams to survive in a hostile environment. Leadership is called to account when these boundaries are not well managed.
The fifth position is the God centred position. This is to view all systems from God’s position. This is the ability to be above all worldly systems and to see the position from the Creator’s perspective. This enables one to move away from the systems that ground one to this earthly form of government to one where God is seen as the one in control. From His perspective all the chaos and evil in this world has a purpose which is eternal and not just limited by time and place. This is a creative position that enables one to be secure in the knowledge that all things work for good. In this position all suffering and evil is seen as working together to achieve good in the end. It enables one to see the higher plan and not be limited by time and place. In God’s position time and space are unlimited, that is, eternal – no beginning and no end. Operating from this position leads to altruism or the ability to be emptied of self and be able to see one as created for a purpose and a destiny.
The ability to move freely between these positions is the mark of true maturity. This is also the way to live and not just exist. It is this ability that will lead to higher functioning of individuals and families that will enable society to change for good and not for evil.